QUESTION Hello! I would like to know your opinion on the following situation. I seem to have no inner contradictions: I love my wife and I easily tolerate other people’s flaws as I know I have ones myself. But sometimes a great degree of hate comes out of a feeling of harmony to a specific person if s/he doesn’t understand me or treats me wrong. I am all outrage itself. It bothers me really much, as I wasn’t like this before, and I know I am not it now, and I don’t want to be like this. Besides, after I had met my lovely wife, she started being sick more often and recovers from illness more slowly… It all bothers me so much.
ANSWER OF TAYANA You spend lots of your energy on resistance. The source of confrontation is suppressing your inner anger. Before you reach some certain personal development level, you will have to explore the opposites. And due to this tendency the inner dualism will take place. 

If there is harmony, there will be chaos, too. If there is love, there is hate, too; laughter is followed by tears. ‘Your joy is a sorrow without a mask. Joy and sorrow cannot be split. They come together, and when one of them is sitting at the table with you, the other is in your bed.’ It is only your belief that you have no contradictions. You just do not want to notice them. But your world is now split into tiny pieces. And your future spiritual work will be devoted to searching ways to unification. You are already preparing yourself to re-thinking the current state of things. Your question is a proof to this. And when you are able to answer it, there will be more questions. This is how the spiritual search works. 

You have h3 standards deep in you about what is right and wrong. You treat yourself and everything around you through these standards. It makes you inhuman. And everything that you evaluate as negative causes an automatic response, but you realize this much later – after it has already happened. 

With time, you will have to admit that you can behave differently. And you have always been so – but didn’t give away your emotions, you were suppressing them. It is possible that there was no occasion to show them. Emotional strength grew and required a way out, and your resentment got weaker. And now you are no longer able to convince yourself and others that you are a ‘good person’, and you show your anger towards other people’s flaws because you cannot admit them in yourself. The major problem is the inability to accept yourself as you are. Don’t hypnotize yourself with your own authority. Narcissism can be considered a level of development, but don’t let it last long. This level might take a weird shape that you will have hard time to transform later. 

Everybody knows that story about a handsome young man, who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the Narcissus. 
When Narcissus died, the forest nymphs – the dryads – noticed that the water in the lake which had been fresh before, transformed into a lake of salty tears. 
– Why do you weep? – the dryads asked.
– I weep for Narcissus, – the lake replied.
– Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus, – they said. – For though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand. 
– But…Was Narcissus beautiful? – the lake asked.
– Who could tell better than you? – the forest nymphs said in wonder. – After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself. 
The lake was silent for a while, and finally it uttered:
– I weep for Narcissus but I never knew he was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see my own beauty reflected deep in his eyes.

19 November 2005, Просмотров: 155