Anxiety

QUESTION When I turn to my spiritual inner world, everything is changing and is getting messed up in the outer world: I have no work, some money that I had before – disappears, friends and parents give me no peace, and everyone (including myself) gets anxious. 
Why is it that I have been dreaming about just as little as a separate room for my meditations for two years already, and some minimum amount of money – just enough to be on my own for the most part of the day, but this doesn’t happen, despite all my efforts? 
Why is it when I am doing things in the real world, they take so much effort, but give a little payback, and the worst thing is that I lose my connection with the spiritual world more and more and sometimes I lose it completely?
I would very like to be spiritual, to be enlightened; I want the energy and peace for my creativity. 
I believe I’ll have everything I need someday. 
But now I am feeling lonely and scared. 
Thank you…
ANSWER OF TAYANA Dreams are giving roots to desires. A bunch of desires, in its turn, requires a huge amount of energy, vitality – which is so necessary for a healthy wellbeing of a person. Dreams will always remain dreams if you do not recognize their essence. They can be a serious trap for a person of action – who you certainly are. Your meditations might have a wrong direction, and your eagerness to find peace might be too premature. Your mind requires solitude. It can get you away from people, but it is going to bring you back to them. Changing the environment won’t help. This means you have to change your attitude to the problem.

A person lives in a world that s/he creates from her/his own combination of decisions, moves, thoughts, feelings that happened in the past and that are happening in the present. Encounters and reaction to them, evaluations, labels or forced indifference, hatred towards your family, a surge of self-pity and so on and so forth – these are the critical weights on the Fate’s scale, when conditions and environment for your life are being determined. This is exactly why you have to learn living in the reality where you find yourself. Failure to be happy with what you have got brings a devastating damage. The faster you learn how to do it, the more chances there are to get to the advanced program, the more chances to get to a new level. 

Apparently, you have nowhere to go – until you get a clear understanding that your spiritual world will be born only after you have created a real world. Failure to understand the nature of the whole leads to an opposition of real and spiritual worlds. But the world is one whole. 

What is outside is defined by what’s inside. By negating the integrity you are ruining your inner harmony. You are rejecting, negating the real world, and this is why, in response, it deprives you of the strength you need for certain things to happen. By negating a part you are destroying the whole. You are one whole. You are your body, feelings, and consciousness. But all these together or separately belong not only to you. Physical body is a part of the world of appearance, feelings are part of the world of forms, and consciousness is a messenger of the world of spirit. Consider this. Currently your meditation should be directed to this, on condition that you really are at that state of consciousness. 

The reason for your anxiety is not in the lack of connection to your fragile spiritual world, and not in the lack of a room. No, this is not the main thing. Most likely it is an eagerness, a striving to do everything your way, disregarding the circumstances. It is a lack of necessary reasoning. Impatience and, as a result, stubbornness increase the anxiety. Fear and loneliness are explained by your being certain about the only way to complete the task you assigned to yourself. And you do not agree with the way. But where is your creativity that you have dreamed to express so much?

The true creativity will use your life as it is – which you are treating with no respect or gratitude. Sorrow and grief cannot help a creative person who is seeking the Light. 

And those people who ‘give you no peace’… Have you ever thought about why they are still there for you? Maybe they also need that Light, and you could help them by giving your attention, patience, mercy? Or, maybe the other way around? 

The name ‘Daria’ has word “dar” (Eng: ‘gift’) in its etymology. To give and accept gifts are two sides of the same coin. And this coin is creativity, because to give means to appropriately accept someone else’s gift at the right time and to find a person, who would be willing and able to accept your gift. 

I have no time for talking you into something, voluptuous admonitions or promises. It is none of my business. But I can assume that an adult – who you are – will have everything she needs, but by that time the child-god (who you also are – if you don’t escape) will not be interested in those toys that much.