Communicating with men

ANSWER OF TAYANA Your question is a question asked by a lonely person. It contains the major problem of humanity as a whole. A man and a woman are like two opposite worlds, exploring each other with interest during all times, but failing to solve the mystery. Everybody’s heart seeks communication. And by asking for help, you’re doing right. The problem is not in your vision. You are afraid of yourself, your hidden thoughts and desires, and possible actions. A man for you is a dark side of the Moon. And people’s mind has always been attracted by mysteries. To be precise, mind is striving for the unknown and takes a lot of time just wondering. 

When you have realized that the other, the unknown notion for you is just another side of yours, you will be able to start exploring it, with sincerity, tenderness and care – the way you would like others to treat you. 

You have been thinking a lot about it, but not having enough experience, you get trapped in a dead end, in a state of tension, mistrust. You have unreasonable demands to yourself and to the subject of your interest. Inner resistance arises. A stream of thoughts on how other people will look at you, what they will think, what will come out of it, and other attempts to predict failures paralyze you, depriving you of any ability to act, and/or communicate. Doubts and invalid evaluation system of other people’s actions do not allow you to understand what is really happening. Life becomes an illusion. You create a false concept of the reality, deprive yourself of chances to act and gain experience. I recall a Sufi parable which is and will be an excellent example of a wrong understanding of the human relationships. 

A King’s daughter was as beautiful as the Moon and she charmed everyone who dared to look at her. 
One day a dervish wanted to have a snack, and he was about to put the bread into his mouth, but he saw the princess and froze in astonishment. The bread he held in his hand fell down. 
The princess smiled at him when she was passing by. The dervish was shivering from delight and almost fainted, while the bread remained lying in the dust. 
He spent seven years in exactly the same ecstatic state. He considered streets to be his home, and wild dogs – his friends. 
The insane dervish annoyed the princess, and her bodyguards decided to kill him. She called the dervish and told him:
– A relation between you and me is impossible. You have to leave the city immediately; otherwise my guards will kill you. 
The miserable lover replied: 
– My life has no value since I saw you. They will shed an innocent blood. But before I die, I am begging you, make my only dream come true – as you will be responsible for my death. Tell me, why did you smile at me? 
– You are a fool! – she said. – When I saw how embarrassed you were, I smiled out of pity – that’s it. 
Having said this, she left.

So, if you have any questions or doubts, get rid of your fear: just ask flat out. And even if the answer is not what you wanted to hear, you will save precious time and efforts necessary for doing other things nonetheless important and you’ll be free of the wrong judgments. You should not live in your fantasies for too long: they are like clouds that cover what’s behind them. Roll them away. And you’ll see that all great things are simple. They are something you already have. Your complaints are redundant. 

The world is a huge lab for our creative discovery. Devote your commuting time to work or school – to meditation. Imagine yourself a flower exhaling fragrance to everybody’s joy, imagine yourself a part of that beauty surrounding and attracting you. 

Let this be your meditation, your practice of uniting with nature. Let go of your speculations about the society. It will survive without your help. But nature exists independently of our need in it. Its presence is a fundamental truth. 

In a similar way, you ARE here, and don’t think about your color, size or form. It does not matter at the moment. You are fragility, tenderness, uniqueness of Being. Having realized that, you will understand that your presence is a must in a majestic cosmic game of the Divine. 

And the main result of this game is our life. Enrich it with responsiveness, sincerity, sacrifice. Learn from life using every chance of contacting the world. Be patient and merciful to other people’s weaknesses. They are, like you, seeking their way: support them with kind words, with your radiant look, with a sincere smile. Don’t lie. Nature has no lies, but there are only intrigues of the human mind, that has forgotten it’s a mere God’s dream.