QUESTION Hello Tayana!
Since the time I have discovered this website I keep coming back here every day trying to find answers to my questions. I have been also sending you confessions. I am in a search state. I am writing to you again hoping you’ll be able to see what I might be missing.
My problem is that I lack energy. I might be willing to create a lot in the real world, but in fact I only do a part of what I planned. I get tired, frustrated, and finally – lose my strength. I remember it this way from my early childhood. I was tired in kindergarten, and in school, and I didn’t play with other children after my classes, but needed rest.
I lose a lot of energy while communicating with other people and this is why I socialize rarely and only with the people I know. I’m afraid to begin something – I know I will be frustrated with myself. I can see that other people do not have this problem. The major issue is that I do not make my dreams come true because of this, and this bothers me and makes me envious and anxious.
I don’t know how to explain this. It is constantly bugging me. I’ve been all the way through blaming my family, then God, then I hated myself, wanted to die. But I feel it will not solve the problem. Something tells me that I am fully responsible for this. But where can I find the answer to why I have so little energy? It may sound weird, but it is really what it is. I see that I am capable of doing only half or one third of what other people can do. And because of this I feel really defective and unconfident.
I realize that I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I am constantly doing it. I often catch myself as if I am absent from my physical body. It’s really hard for me to come back to the real world, live my life and do the everyday routine – it exhausts me so much. Even during the events normal people are supposed to be happy about (celebration, concert), I am present in only part of them and then I shrink into myself.
I feel difficulty in expressing myself in the real world. It is much easier for me to understand and observe others, live in my inner world, working on some existence questions. Why am I this way and so different from others? Why is my physical body so weak? What is wrong with me and what can I do about it? It hurts me so much most of the time.
I would really like to find an answer and move on. It seems like I’m stuck or going round in circles. I am sometimes afraid I will never find the answer.
Thank you for your website and a chance to find answers to our questions. Katya.
ANSWER OF TAYANA Not everyone is able to be satisfied with what they have. Energy is one of the main properties of the matter, its movement measure, and an ability to do work. Energetic people stand out by their active position, decision-making skills. Express this confidently in yourself, and you will save some strength, energy source, that would have otherwise been spent on long speculations about going to do something. Do something from the beginning to the end, or quit on doing it without obliging yourself to anything.
By comparing yourself to others, you are negating yourself. Envy is harmful for a personality. Be yourself. Do not try to act like somebody else. Who knows – if you had more energy, maybe it could do you more harm than now? Couldn’t your energy also strengthen envy and hate? Sometimes disregard of other people’s business does more good than taking part in their life.
Human energy, like the energy of water, earth, air and fire, has its peculiarities. By using this energy, a person establishes karmic connections and gets dependant on other people’s fate. Having gained some pleasure, a person gets dependent on its source and is striving to it in all possible ways. This happens with fans and their idols.
You can nourish your body and mind not only through communicating with people – you know that. Your receptors are capable of reacting to everything that surrounds you. Develop these sensations, your perceptivity. Pay attention to flavors, taste sensations, visual perception, tactile and hearing sensations that are related to your feelings and memories. You are already familiar with this state.
If you are bored and uncomfortable among other people, engage yourself in your own activities. Switch your attention from society to nature. You can reach your integrity easier in silence, tranquility and peace rather than within a crowd. It might be possible for you to create masterpieces in solitude. Do what you can and what you feel necessary. Thus, you will avoid great disappointments.
You were originally born a harmonic creature, but the more you try to get into the details of routine human problems, the more you lose your individuality, you get smaller and weaker. Don’t try to live anybody else’s life, make your own. Do it according to the opportunities and capabilities given to you and owned by you.
Open up to new opportunities and impressions. Widen up your imagination by visualization, waking up inner sensory impulses. By developing your delicate sensations, keep imagining various visions that involve different sense organs. Attend places full of beauty and grace (exhibitions, concerts, theatres, choose movies with important messages, moral issues and aesthetic content). Widen your vocabulary; do not limit it by any certain topics. Engage your mind, develop your intellectual activities, learning every day something new without attaching yourself to the results, but remaining consciously in the present moment, as every moment of the reality gives people huge opportunities.
Be a witness, don’t get used to the energy of mediation – when a person is too subject to other people’s opinion, and it means they are subject to somebody’s strength. In other words, by identifying yourself with it, you will lose yours.
Avoid identifying yourself with your emotions, feelings, thoughts. They are not yours as they exist during the whole human history.
Public events are not for you. But by staying conscious you can be in solitude even being in a crowded place. By recognizing the present moment a person can have everything: joy and sorrow, work and rest.
You are a whole Universe each side if which is waiting for a chance to manifest itself in action. Give credit to each of them. I wish you to be reasonable in self-expression.
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